Figured I'd post another excerpt. It had been so long since I'd posted one I had to go back and see what I'd put up. Turns out that if you read all the excerpts you get a decent idea of what the story is and where it's going. If you do that, know that the present tense thing seen in earlier excerpts and a little here is gone. I started writing it that way, but it was presenting too many problems. I have a printout of the first part of the WIP that is dripping red ink from all the verbs I marked that need changing.
Anyway, here's the unedited excerpt.
The ships along the south bay were loaded with mismatched boxes and shipping containers. Men worked through the night getting cargo ready to drop on to the overstuffed decks. Cranes groaned over our heads, pulling full boxes up to the decks. Men called out instructions and the ships fought against the ropes holding them close to the docks.
Berger watched the action and shook his head.
“Horrible job,” he said. “I don’t care how much you paid me, I wouldn’t do it again.”
Spray from the bay was coming up and catching the men around the ships. Most wore long pants and t-shirts that were dripping wet.
“I don’t know,” said the runner, his jacket now off and thrown over one shoulder. “It can’t be as bad as what we’re doing now.” I nodded my agreement.
“Nah,” said Berger. “That work is worse. You know how much I’d have to work to make what I am going to make tonight?”
“Yeah, but it’s risk and reward thing,” I said.
“How many guys you know died doing that job?” the runner asked.
“You mean physically or otherwise? ‘Cause I’m not sure there is a difference.”
The runner shook his head. “Then you’re an idiot.” Berger popped him in the back and the runner stumbled forward.
Haven't I taught you anything? You shouldn't use red ink to edit, use purple or green.
ReplyDeleteWhy not use red? Red is a strong dominating color.
ReplyDelete